We’ve all had to deal with someone who, well, isn’t exactly nice.
They’ll throw what seems like a harmless joke, and when someone gets hurt, they’ll be like,
“I’m just kidding!”
Followed by something like,
“It’s not my fault you were offended by my jokes.”
And if you’ve ever crossed paths with such a person, it can be hard to see their true colors, especially when they put on such a strong facade.
It’s especially frustrating when people excuse these behaviors as them simply being true to themselves when, in reality, they’re just being mean.
In fact, even you might have excused their actions more times than you’d like to admit.
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1) They often put others down
You know someone’s only fake nice when they constantly put others down.
They seem to feel better about themselves by belittling people around them, and it’s not just about making a harmless joke or two.
No, they harshly criticize and insult others every time they talk.
And you know what’s scary?
They’re exceptionally good at hiding this behavior under the guise of simply being ‘honest’ or having a ‘sharp tongue’.
It works, because people think of them as straightforward or frank when, in reality, they’re just being mean.
Often, they do this because they want to assert superiority over everyone else.
And sometimes, ironically, they do that by playing the victim.
2) They’re constantly playing the victim
I once had a friend who would always play the victim card.
Even now, it hurts quite a bit to talk about because I’ve been gaslit into believing that when they’re hurting, it’s always my fault.
And every time I entertained the thought that they might just be playing the victim, I feel a pang of guilt.
I think: what if I’m invalidating their experiences by thinking that?
That’s how well some people play the victim. They gaslight you so well that you question your reality well after you two drifted apart.
These people never admit fault for anything, and even when they make obvious mistakes, they always blame it on someone else or some other circumstance.
Sadly, it actually works.
They manage to convince other people to think of them as people who are down on their luck when, in reality, they’re just avoiding responsibility.
3) They’re quick to anger
People who are not nice often have a short fuse. They’re quick to anger and lash out at the slightest provocation.
A minor inconvenience can cause them to lose their temper, and they often resort to harsh ords or even aggressive behavior.
Unfortunately, this propensity towards anger is often excused as them being ‘passionate’ or ‘intense’.
People may perceive them as strong-willed when, in reality, they’re just unable to manage their emotions effectively.
4) They’re manipulative
Manipulation is a clear sign of someone who isn’t a nice person. They twist words, play mind games, and even use emotional blackmail just to get what they want.
You might be tempted to think they’re simply being persuasive or influential, but don’t be fooled.
They’re not simply smart or charming—they’re manipulating you.
5) They lack empathy
People who aren’t nice often lack empathy.
They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others because they’re often so focused on their own needs and desires.
But having difficulty understanding other people shouldn’t be used as an excuse to be mean.
Everyone should try to be kind, no matter how hard it seems.
I mean, if you have enough energy to play nice, surely you would also have time to be genuine, too, right?
6) They’re rarely happy for others
It’s unfortunate, but some people just can’t seem to find it in their hearts to be genuinely happy for others.
These people often struggle to celebrate other people’s successes, achievements, or simply good news.
Instead of expressing joy or offering congratulations, they may downplay the accomplishment or even exhibit signs of envy.
And they’re not simply being competitive or driven—they’re simply unable to share in another’s happiness.
Despite how subtle it may appear, this unwillingness to celebrate others’ victories is a clear indicator that they might not be as nice as they portray themselves to be.
7) They’re always right
Fake nice people tend to believe they’re always right.
They have an inflated sense of their own rightness which makes them stubborn.
They refuse to consider other perspectives, always insisting that their way is the only way.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be confident in your opinion and to always know how to take a stance, but it’s just as admirable to accept defeat—especially when you’re wrong.
8) They’re often ungrateful
Now, here’s a funny thing about people who aren’t very nice. They often forget to say these two simple words:
“Thank you.”
They rarely show gratitude for the efforts or kindness of others and might even take your help for granted, failing to acknowledge the good things you do for them.
While it might seem like a small thing, this inability to express gratitude is a subtle but clear sign that they might not be as nice as they seem.
9) They’re unreliable
Let’s face it: it’s hard to have an unreliable person in your life.
I mean, sometimes, nothing hurts more than a promise that’s left unfulfilled—even forgotten.
Fake nice people tend to do this.
They may agree to do something just to show you they’re nice, and then bail at the last minute, leaving you in the lurch.
I guess it’s fine if you do it once, but if you do it over and over again, it’s not a mistake anymore, but a conscious choice.
10) They’re disrespectful
The most important thing to understand is that respect is fundamental in any relationship, be it personal or professional.
People who aren’t nice are often disrespectful, though not overtly so.
Their presence makes you uneasy, and at first, you wouldn’t be able to put your finger on it.
But when you realize that they interrupt you while you’re speaking, disregard your opinions, or invade your personal space, that’s when you’ll know that the uneasiness is caused by their blatant disrespect.
While it might look like plain and simple assertiveness at first, that’s not really the case.
They’re not brave; they’re actually failing to show basic respect.
Final thoughts
It’s challenging to recognize that someone isn’t as nice as they seem, especially when you love them.
Because when you love someone, you can’t help but look at them through rose-colored lenses.
But remember, the cycle only stops when you start opening your eyes.
Know when they’re not being nice to you and when they’re taking advantage of you
Because while everyone has the potential for growth and change, only you can establish where your boundaries lie. r kindness.